On a side note I hate the word "should", there are things that you need to do, or want to do, and that's about it. If you don't need it or want then there is no reason that you "should" do it or get it.
So we stopped doing all things that we felt we "should" do. Like rhyme time at the library every week. She was always enthusiastic about going, but once there found the energy and noise from all the other kids completely overwhelming. Instead we have a Justine Clarke CD and an ABC CD in the car and sing songs with ridiculous animation whenever we drive anywhere. We read books (at least 2) every night and usually a couple during the day. Ok, I think we've got rhyme time at the library covered....
We stopped doing swimming lessons. I once felt kids should have swimming lessons always. Aussie kids need to learn to swim, too many drown. Well Miss M forced a change in my thinking. If every lesson is her screaming, then she's not really learning swimming, or even on a basic level learning confidence in the water, is she? Nope. So we stopped that. The last month she has started lying back in the bath and putting her ears under the water. Awesome hey! She will blow bubbles in the bath - mainly because Miss F (1 yrs old) thinks it's hilarious. We've done a few caravan trips to the beach and she's had a few brief paddles. And she has had a few (albeit highly anxious) bobs in the pool at granny's house. We'll build on this as we see appropriate. I still feel that I will encourage learning to swim, just not on my agenda, on hers.
We stopped doing gymnastics. This was a hard one. Miss M loved jumping on the trampoline and balancing on the beams and showing the teacher she could do things, for the first 20 mins of the 1hr class, then it all became too much for her and she would have a melt down at the next thing being asked of her. But it's good for kids development and confidence to jump and balance in a formal setting, and put on a show every year. So eventually we realised that this too needed to go. So instead we jump on our trampoline in the back yard. Whenever we walk anywhere there is always things to balance on, and she's getting more confident with not holding our hands while she walks along fences and whatever else she can find. Every disney musical dvd watched is not without a dancing leaping show. Most rainy weather days have our lounge room turn into some sort of random obstacle course of tunnels and cushions.
We considered doing a ball play program for toddlers. We went once, and it was hectic and loud and chaotic and both girls were completely overwhelmed. So instead we play with basketballs and tennis balls and odd shaped balls regularly. We bounce basketballs in the back yard, throw super bouncy balls all over the house, roll balls between us, kick them soccer style up and down our hallway. And they love it.
Now some might say that she is missing out on important social development by not being involved in all these things, along with not going to day care or kindergarten. But I wonder how much social interaction she was getting when she did attend these things, when she spent most of them in complete melt down or so anxious that she ran around giggling at such a high pitch that only dogs could hear her!
We used to love going to a small local play group. We went for about 3 years, knew all the parents and the kids. Still Miss M struggled with the noise and energy of a bunch of kids, even when it was only three others. So we stopped going there too. Instead we organise play dates with friends at cafes and houses and parks. Then there is just a couple of other kids to deal with and it's a much more controlled environment to me to be able to teach her social appropriateness in real time - as well as the ongoing random conversations that happen for weeks afterwards!
Since stopping everything she is a new person. She has rekindled her love of colouring in - and doing an amazing job of it. She is having fun again, exploring new things and enjoying old things. And it is wonderful to see, and worth all the moments of doubt at not doing all the things we once thought we "should".
xx
