Crappy mummy days, and Shrek.

Today was a crappy mummy day.  No, seriously, it was.  I felt like a crappy mummy today. I am sure we all have those days.  I can't possibly be the only one that gets to the end of some days and has a list a mile long of the things I wish I had done differently, better. And then a smaller list of the things I did ok.  Today was one of those days.

I yelled.  A lot.  Every time the girls fought, I yelled.  Every time they argued over something, I yelled and removed the something.  Yeah, totally a gentle and respectful parenting day.  NOT! And then I cried, from dinner time onwards.  I cried and put myself to bed, way before the girls were ready for bed.  I cried until my beautiful three year old came and laid on me and asked for Netflix.  (I know, totally different world than when I grew up, my three year old knows Netflix!).  So then we watched Netflix together in my bed for a bit, all three of us cuddled up together, tired and grumpy.  Then when I realised that the girls were getting restless and tired, I helped them move to their beds and go to sleep. (I'd love to have them fall asleep with me watching a movie, but it just doesn't work for these two).

What were we watching? Shrek.  We were watching Shrek.  He always makes me smile.

Even better it was "Shrek forever after" were he gets sick of the same day repeating over and over with his wife and triplets, and wishes for a day, just a day, to be like it was before them.  And he spent the entire day trying to get them back.

I totally get this movie.  It is my day.  My crappy mum day.  There are moments I would sign any bit of random paper, with whatever ridiculous hidden catches, just to have a day on my own (seriously if you haven't seen the movie, you really should).  Then there are moments - tonight that moment came when my three year old just laid down on me and cuddled me - where I would move heaven and earth to keep them near me.

My excuse for being a crappy mum today?  Oh, who needs one!  Really?  Ok.  So, lets see.... I've had a week of really awful sleeps thanks to having two kids sick all week.  I'm thinking they've given me their germs also, starting to get that familiar tickle in my throat.  And we've been home for three days. They were not quite well enough to go out anywhere, but were not sick enough to rest up on the couch.  So that means they were crabby and grumpy and generally awful to each other because they felt awful.

I did pretty well for the first two days.  I was calm.  We had some fun and then some quiet time when they could no longer cope with the fun.  I even did not too bad for the first part of today.  Then their fighting got to me.  Seriously, I went to hang out a load of washing (which I had just washed by hand because our washing machine has died. 😩) and I come back in to the sound of screaming to find Miss M and Miss F duelling with the mop and broom.

Anyway.  There is always excuses or reasons, things in life that push you closer to the edge and make it harder to not loose your plot and yell, harder to stay the loving calm parent you want to be.  It is what it is.  Today was a crappy mummy day.  It's not every day.

So at the end of the day, I hug my babies. We talk about being grumpy and how we still love each other even though today was a really hard day to not be grumpy and yell at each other (they did their share of yelling).  We talk about how everyone has bad days.  Today was one of mummy's bad days.  We talk about how everyone needs to practice how to be grumpy without upsetting other people, because it is ok to have grumpy days, but not really ok to yell at everyone all day.  And we hope that tomorrow will be an easier day, and that after a good sleep maybe we won't all feel so awful and grumpy.

So shrug off your crappy mummy (or dad) days, tomorrow is another day to try again.  💗

"This too shall pass..."

It has been ages since I last felt the twinkle of a post starting to form in my brain.  I guess this has mostly been to me working a bit more - brain full of work instead of kids and home, and then tired brain not wanting to think of anything! But here I am again!

 I've just read over all the blogs I've written so far - it really is lovely to see how far the girls have come, and it really does solidify in my head that this (homeschooling / unschooling) approach to life and learning is the right one for us.  Yes I still have days where I doubt it - doesn't everyone doubt things sometimes?  And yes I have days where I think 8 hours of time at home on my own, or available to work, would be nice.  But then something pops up and shuts down the doubts and little voices.

I was listening to a pod cast about unschooling the other day and the lady talking was in the USA.  She was talking about all the different reasons that people she knew chose to homeschool. One of the most common reasons given was family time and knowing their children.  People commonly felt that when their kids leave home at 6 or 7 in the morning and don't come home until 5 in the evening, when they finish high school and head off to college they felt like they hardly knew them.  I love that homeschooling gives me the opportunity to feel like I really know my girls.  Even if I don't get to sit and watch Netflix on my own, like ever!

So where are we now?  Miss M is almost 5, Miss F is almost 3.  And for all the parents out there struggling with the 1 - 4 age group, whether there's one kid in there or more, IT GETS EASIER! Or at least it did for me.  Not sure if it has to do with Miss M being on the spectrum (ASD) or not.  But oh wow has she calmed down a lot! Things are smoother, mostly.  Yes there is attitude, but it's kind of entertaining.  I don't mind when she sounds like a grumpy, sarcastic, full-of-attitude version of myself.  Its so much easier than the freaked out, not coping, melt downs of her 3 year old self.

From having months of in house routine and not many commitments with the outside world we have blossomed into a busy homeschooling family with things on option most days - park, bike rides, brunch dates, play dates, bush walks, shopping, errands, playgroup, ballet, gymnastics etc.  Some days we still choose a quiet home day (like today, and yesterday, and the day before...), but some weeks we are out every day.  It is all played by ear and depends what the girls want to do.

When we do go out we often connect with a lovely local group of homeschoolers and do a range of different activities - skatepark, playing in the mud somewhere, bush walks, indoor playcenters, whatever is going.  It's lovely to see the kids of all ages include each other and play random, made up games together, no one gets left out, even the youngest kids are included.

When we stay in we do whatever the girls want to do.  Some days that is iPads or movies all day.  Some days are spent in the back yard.  I just become "yes" mum.  Miss 4 is very much in crafting and will often come up with random things to make or activities to do.  A favourite lately is mixing paint - she doesn't actually want to paint anything, just mix the paint to make different colours.

Today is an iPad and netflix day.  Yesterday was a craft day - we played with air drying clay and watched youtube videos of people using pottery wheels, and drew pictures, and did colouring in.  Tomorrow is a day of outings and events.

Miss M (4) is loving numbers still.  When we go for drives out and about the girls love to yell out when they see a "number sign" (speed sign) and are both learning which numbers are called what, and which is higher or lower than the previous sign.  We are currently growing carrot tops in some cotton wool, every morning we measure how big they are and write it down and see how much they have grown.  Writing is still a challenge for Miss M, but she is slowing getting interested.  Miss F is all about letters and what noises we make for them.


My previous frustrations with bedtimes have, mostly, resolved. Very thankful for that! We have kept a very relaxed bedtime routine.  When one looks tired we offer bed and a cuddle and a book, while the other keeps playing quietly at whatever takes their interest.  Some nights they are both asleep by 8.30, sometimes they are still up at 10.30.  But it is, almost, always calmer that it used to be.  I don't yell, or get angry, we just plod through the evening and what will be will be.  We are slowly releasing all the rules we used to have around bedtime, and replacing them with an opportunity for the girls to figure out their own needs and learn what their bodies are saying to them.  This is still a work in progress.

Bring on a different day every day, while still being the same.

Colouring, Clay and Superheroes!

Miss M (4) looooooves to do art.  She loves to paint, draw, create in all sorts of ways.  We have a wall full of art, that is now literally full and it is a massive negotiation talk to swap any old stuff for new stuff.  Have you seen our wall? I'm sure I've shared it before.. anyway here it is again.

There's two in the middle there - a house and a weird bird like thing - they were drawn in an iPad app and then I printed them.   It took me ages to figure out how to print them - little bit proud of myself for figuring it out.  There would be heaps more up there...but we ran out of ink.  And then came the massive negotiation to take down the old art and put up the new... parenting should be an automatic qualification for an entry level lawyer or hostage negotiator!

Miss M also loves to draw on skin.  Her skin, her sister's skin, my skin.  Loves it.  So sometimes we let her, and sometimes we find her covered in paint, or texta, looking like a blue smurf (it's usually blue) or a tiger with stripes.  Often when I'm tired (blaming the shift work here) and the girls are wanting attention, I'll lie down and give them a texta and a leg each - keeps the occupied for ages and I can doze with a lovely tickling massage on my legs.  Lol!! Parenting win right there!

This was a very intricate design of a caterpillar becoming a beautiful butterfly.  💜

We also love playdoh - lately however we have run out of playdoh and just haven't got around to making any more (in truth I keep forgetting to add "salt" to the shopping list).  However I found this stuff at Spotlight (how much do we love spotlight!), this amazing air drying clay.  We made christmas tree ornaments (although we forgot to add them to the tree this year - maybe next year?) which the girls can paint next time they want to paint something random, and some beads that we can paint and turn in to a necklace one day.  The clay is a bit gooey and the girls both took a while getting used to it leaving a brown slimy cover on their hands, but it was heaps of fun once they got over that.  

                                     

Also found at spotlight was a kit that made super hero masks (it was all felt and could probably be done cheaper just buying the stuff not the kit - will try that next time).  Miss F (2) needed some help with hers, but Miss M enjoying being completely independent and even made me one.  Once they dried the game of 'catch the villain' started and they literally ran around in circles trying to catch each other.  

I took a photo with all of us wearing our masks and smiling - it makes it look like we haven't been arguing all morning doesn't it? Love how photos are deceptive like that.  😀

                                     

Counting, Yoga and Stop signs

Miss M (4) is all about numbers, and colouring and craft at the moment.  She is desperate to learn how to read, letters and numbers, but isn't interested in being taught.  So finding new and 4 year old accepted ways to help her learn the things she wants is a non stop challenge.  

This week, and most likely ONLY this week, colour by numbers was a massive hit! I am a big child myself and love doing my big kid colour by numbers, so I found a website (education.com) that, for a small subscription fee, has heaps of printable worksheets - including colour by numbers.  I may have got a little excited and printed heaps of different worksheets for the girls - I'm almost completely sure that I will get more enjoyment out of completing them myself, but we'll give it a go.

The colour by numbers ones were a hit - that is once I started colouring in one myself and asking Miss M to help me find the numbers.  She had a ball finding all the numbers for me to colour in.  I think we made a good team!

Miss M then came up with the idea of making a colour by numbers for me.  She chose a unicorn picture and then wrote  numbers all over it.  I was then instructed on what colour each number was.   For her first time writing numbers, I think she did a pretty good job, and it was so beautiful seeing her so proud of herself.

Miss F (2)  joined us in doing some colouring, but it's not really her thing.   Still trying to figure out what her thing is, other than throwing and tackling and jumping.  She definitely much more physical than Miss M.  I love how two siblings can be so completely different.

In a way to get Miss M more aware of her movements and body - a fairly 'typical' thing for Aspie kids is a lack of coordination - is yoga.  She loves showing off her yoga tree or down dog.  My beautiful sister bought her a yoga matt not long ago, but it's plain blue much to Miss M's disappointment (mine has a florally pattern all over it).  Well, this week Miss M found a way to fix that, and now she is even more proud of her mat and her yoga time.  She gets out her yoga mat every evening with her Mumma and they do some yoga together.  Sometimes Miss M only lasts a few minutes, and then goes back for the relaxation at the end, other times she lasts longer, either way it's a lovely way for her and her Mumma to bond, and gets her moving and aware of her body.

As Miss M is getting bigger and taller she is able to now open our house doors when they're shut.  This can be very useful now she is wanting to use the toilet more - she is able to take herself and seems to be much happier with that independence instead of having to rely on an adult to take her.  However, it also means she can open the door that leads to the garage. We have a tradition in our house, whenever one of us comes home from work, as soon as the garage door is heard going up, both the girls (and usually the dogs) run to the internal door leading to the garage and knock on it until the homecoming parent knocks back.  Now that Miss M can open the doors she has started opening the door herself.  Until this week that has been ok, as we have implemented the rule that the door doesn't open until the car on the other side is heard to stop (i.e. engine is off).  And as both of us are aware that she can open the door we are vigilant about watching it as we drive into the garage (for safety).  This week that rule was forgotten about and Mumma had a nasty shock when the girls and the dogs ran into the garage before she had finished driving in.  Luckily we are hyper aware of this safety issue and she was watching the door and stopped - no one was injured, or honestly even close to being injured.  But the risk is there, and very scary.

As Miss M doesn't respond very well to being lectured, no matter how calm or nice or gentle you approach it, talking to her doesn't do much.  In the effort of trying to solidify the rule of not opening the garage door we combined it with art.  Brilliant I thought! Miss M and I googled what a stop sign looks like, then I drew one on some paper and Miss M had a great time painting it.  While she painted we talked casually about what the word "stop" means and what a great reminder it will be for all us to stop at the garage door until the car noises stop so that no one gets hurt by a moving car.  Fingers crossed it works!

Here's to kids giving us regular moments of pure terror, followed by moments of pure joy and love.  Crazy kids!

bedtimes, reading and puddles.

This is not strictly a homeschooling blog... but I figure if you're reading this you've got kids, and you can probably relate.

So in september I wrote about hating our bedtimes and how the girls both fight sleep for HOURS! Remember that whinge??  So we tried giving the girls books to look at and some quiet toys along with their favourite quiet music playing in the background.  Well that worked a bit better for a little while, but they still fought sleep until 10pm or thereabouts.  And we found ourselves back in the routine of "back to bed please" "head on pillows" "quiet time please girls" until we'd lose our patience and yell.  Not fun for anyone.

So I've lost my patience again with bedtimes and am deleting that phrase from our house completely! Not sure how this is going to look just yet.  For the last week we've let the girls play with whatever quiet toys or activity they wanted after dinner. If a shower or bath is wanted we will organise it for them, if not, then so be it - Miss M (4) is ASD and sometimes the sensation of water on her is just that little bit too much for her at the end of a long day. If they want to play lego or blocks or whatever, that's fine as long as it's quiet.  If they want to read books then we will sit and read to them, otherwise we sit and read our own books or do our own quiet thing while they wind down in their own little worlds.  No TV, no iPads, no phones, no screens after dinner - it's the only time we have limited screens as we've found that they both have amazing stamina when staring at a screen and can stay awake way past their tired point.  

So for the last week Miss F (2) has looked tired around 7, so we lie down in her bed and read books until she's asleep - so far she's asleep by 7.30 or 8 at the latest.  Then Miss M and I do some quiet things together.  One night it was jigsaw puzzles, another it was french knitting, another night we read books for hours.   She seems to love the 1:1 time together, and generally seems much calmer during the day since we made this change.  She is still not going to sleep until 10.30 - 11ish.  But she is sleeping in until 8am, which is pretty good for her, and there's no yelling, no drama, no frustration - on either part.  

I'm not sure how this will look in another week, or a month.  But for the moment we've found something that, mostly, works for our family.  Although it does have me reading aloud for two or more hours every night.... we'll just see how that goes.  

Miss M is all about being able to read at the moment.  She's very frustrated that she can't read.  We've found her some apps for her iPad that look helpful, as well as printed some work sheets looking at letter recognition etc (although I think I enjoy them more that she does!).  At the moment Miss M and I are reading Roald Dahl's "Matilda" at night and loving it! In the beginning of the book it talks about how, at 4 years old, Matilda could read anything, "pfffft" said Miss M when we got to that bit.

We're trying to find her every opportunity to step closer to being able to read.  There has been lots of writing her name - something she is still very interested in, and naming those letters, and making the sounds.  Lots of me "casually" pointing out words on games, like "done" "next" etc.  Lots of colouring in options that have the alphabet or a word or something.  Lots of games with letters, spelling, sounds.  The trick with Miss M is that they all have to be subtle and fun, and there can't be too much of it seeming like I'm 'quizzing' her or testing her, because then she shuts down and looses interest.  I do a lot of playing dumb, but she's quickly catching onto that too! It's definitely challenging trying to 'teach' without looking like I'm teaching, or at least without Miss M noticing! It usually looks like me making something available to her and then walking away.  MUCH harder than it sounds!

Miss F is now all about counting.  She still loves her colours and shapes, but just recently I noticed that she counts things - so far up to three or four.  It's easy to miss the things the second child does that are amazing, life is much busier than when it was Miss M starting to count and amaze us.  I must remember to pay attention and join in.

I think a challenge we're going to face more and more in this house is providing opportunities for Miss F while catering to Miss M's needs of a predictable, calm routine.  There's a dozen things I would love to get Miss F too, but I know that Miss M would not enjoy or cope very well with the noise or excitement, so I need to find a way to take Miss F without Miss M.  Life's little challenges.

We've had a lot of weather recently that has had us shut inside - really hot for a week and then torrential rain for a few days - so we've had to find things to do inside that use up energy and get the girls off their games and moving around.  We've done baking, legos, playing fetch with a ball (the girls pretend to be dogs, it's brilliant, lasts for at least an hour!).  I've stuck balloons tied with string onto the ceiling and let them have at them with fly swats and hitting them.  Watching them jump around like crazy kids is always fun.  Then they realised they could hit one balloon and, by knocking it into other, create a cascade of balloon movements, they had a ball.  I think this is one of my favourite things to do with them at the moment.  We'll do this again!

And of course we did the required puddle jumping in the massive puddle left by the rain at the end of our street.  It's always fun to see Miss M step out of her usual sensory comfort zone and walk through puddles bare feet and become amazed at the water ripples she creates.  I'll always love puddles, even if just for this memory.

Today at our house...

One of the wonderful things about homeschooling, more specifically, unschooling, is that no two days are exactly the same.  Oh you still get a bit of the groundhog day feeling, and some days are harder than others and some aren't.  And while there is a very rough outline of a schedule visible, there is certainly no hard and fast, by the clock, schedule.  

Today was a day at home, it was raining and cold, the girls had a busy day yesterday so they didn't really want to go anywhere today (good because neither did I!), and I was definitely not in the mood to do housework.  So that meant we did stuff inside, whatever the girls wanted to do, we did.  Except for a few peace-keeping suggestions from me, everything was driven by the girls - just as it should be.  So I thought it would be a good day for a 'day in life of' post.  Yes, most days don't look this intense, and this amount of activities would usually be spread over a couple of day with things like trips to the park; or outside play; or housework to break them up.  But this was our day.  

So it started at 6am when Miss M (3.5 yrs) woke up and set herself up on the couch with her iPad, not sure what she did on it, she has a number of fun / educational games as well as youtube that she enjoys.  She loves to watch youtube videos of people opening toys, or aquariums with calming music, or aurora borealis clips, and who knows what else.  

I got up at 7am and made her and myself breakfast.  Midway through breaky Miss M declares that she wants to make a pelican.  Righto.  I will admit right now that I am NOT the creative one in our family.  I'm good with sheet music or cross stitch or knitting - you know, things that have patterns and detailed "how to's", but make something random up, sooooo not my forte.  That would be my wife's, she's amazing at that sort of thing.  So me, I resort to pinterest.  I am so so so grateful to people that have the time and energy to think up weird and wonderful things (like how to make a pelican with paper plates!) and then put them up on the internet to share with other creatively stunted people like myself! 

So we Pinterested the crap out of it, and made a totally awesome pelican out of paper plates! 

Then Miss F (2yrs old) woke up at 9am ( I know right!) and demanded we watch Paw Patrol - the latest obsession in this house.  And the girls sat on the rug and played with some puzzles while I cleaned the kitchen.  Miss M asked for help with the puzzles.  So we did a new Paw Patrol set of puzzles.  It was actually really good.  There were five different puzzles in the box and all the pieces were numbered (I just want to say here that there are five different puzzles in this box, and only three compartments! seriously! who does that!).  So it was really good for number recognition for Miss M.  She used a toy digger to find the puzzle pieces with the right number on it and deliver them to me. It took a bit of practice to distinguish the '2's from the '5's.   Miss F then 'helped' me put them in the right place (think elephant tap dancing).  

We then went back to the craft table (aka the dining table covered in stuff) as Miss F's request - actually the found the scissors and was trying to cut her pjs, so I redirected her to some paper.  She also loves to paint with the clag brush, but not actually stick anything down.  She painted some paper, and a garden statue from a nearby plant, a couple of the dining chairs... get the picture?  She had a great time, luckily clag wipes off easily! Then she moved onto actually painting.  So both girls did some painting with the paint textas (that's what we call the crayola paint brushes that are already paint loaded like textas - they're awesome!), so we now have a few new pieces of art work stuck on our wall. 

We have an old milk crate full of duplo that Miss F loves to regularly upend and then spread from wall to wall.  This came next.  All while Miss M yelled at her and told her off for not using the duplo in the right way! Walls and towers were made and toppled and played with for about half an hour.  Farms were designed and animal figurines were given new homes - until cyclone Miss F destroyed them.  

Balloons are all over our house at the moment. So to distract from the duplo destruction I started a game of balloon tennis with Miss F (always ends up a bit like brandy when playing with Miss F!) that Miss M quickly joined in and lasted until the middle of the day.  I'd say lunchtime, but my kids don't really do lunchtime - I put a plate of snacks down (fruit, nuts, ham, chips, biscuits - anything I can find) and they munch for a few hours while they do stuff.  

There's a thing called 'study ladder' online, I think I've mentioned it before.  It is basically lots of short quizzes (10 questions) organised into categories and levels.  Once they complete a quiz correctly the child gets points and can then buy animals in a zoo, or trucks in a city etc.  The quizzes are boring as, but the rewards are fun.  Miss M loves playing in her zoo and city, and will tolerate the quizzes to get more things.  Miss F had a go today too.  It was fun watching her point to the right colour or shape or match a picture or face.  She did pretty well, actually better than I thought she would, and scored herself a few new trucks for her city scape.  Don't be confused, this is not something I push or even actively encourage.  Miss M knows it's there and will ask to use it.  It has been good for her hand/mouse coordination, as most of the quizzes she does she knows the answers to easily.  

While Miss M had her turn on the computer (I am forbidden to help unless asked to do so!) Miss F and I sat and played the piano together.  I attempted to bash out an old irish tune that the sheet music was out for, and she alternated the low notes and the high notes.  Bashing the low notes and giggling, and then angelically playing a couple of high keys with a look on her face fitting an angel.  Crazy baby.  

Playdoh was next.  We made snails, and snakes, and peas (we had green playdoh today), and a little hut that Miss F squished three seconds after completion (I was a bit heartbroken for a split second..), and an elephant, and a worm house (Miss M's creation), and some fish.  I think it's only the second time that both girls have played with playdoh together.  Miss F has only recently decided that it's not completely disgusting, and is in fact great fun to make tiny balls and throw them everywhere, all while laughing hysterically! 

Then came the bike riding.  Miss F recently got a balance bike for her birthday - she's still too little for it, but will happily ride it with assistance.  So I ran around the house 'brooooooming' like a crazy lady pushing this balance bike by the handle bars, being chased by Miss M on her balance bike - do not be underestimating the speeds she can get to on that thing! We did some basic road rules and courtesies - 'give way' at crossroads (kitchen / hallway intersection) and some reversing (complete with beeping sound effect), zig zagging to practice the steering.  I can't wait until Miss F is big enough to actually ride it independently and we can go outside on rides / walks.  

By now I'm exhausted so I lay down on the floor and nap for 15 mins while the two girls sit on me (literally) and watch the ongoing Paw Patrol video.  Once I woke up I realised that Miss F had missed her nap (mixture of late wake up and too distracted to care) and was getting cranky as! 5pm crazy hour! Her calming thing is the shower, so in she went.  She sang and played and splashed for ages, then fell asleep at the dinner table! 

Now both are in beds.  Miss F is asleep in her cot, and Miss M is in my bed with iPad winding down, she takes a while somedays.  We don't usually encourage iPad after dinnertime, but it seemed to be needed today.  And I like to think I can be flexible and respectful enough of our children's needs to allow things to be outside the 'rules' sometimes.  

So that's my day.  It was a very busy, demanding one.  As I said we wouldn't always do all of those things in one day.  Most days the girls are happy to sit and play on their iPads quietly for a bit, or will sit and flick through books, or build things with the various building sets we have.  Today was mummy labour intensive.  Fun, but now I'm ready for bed at 8pm.  😀

Writing, art and bedtimes.

One of the many things I hear from people unconvinced or unsure of homeschooling, or more specifically unschooling, is "how will they learn to read and write if you don't teach them?".  And I understand the reasons for their questioning.  They were once taught these things, like myself, we were all 'taught' to read and write in school.  I got my pen license as I'm sure most of us did.  But one of the beautiful things I love about unschooling is watching kids be so completely pleased with themselves for learning something ALL ON THEIR OWN.  Not because I'm a wonderful teacher, patient to the end, or have amazing resources to teach things in fantastic ways.  But because the child themselves has noticed that there is something they don't know how to do, and then they set out to conquer it.  And conquer it they shall.

Well Miss M (3.5yrs old) has focused her self solidly on numbers and counting, as well as letters, including the alphabet and writing.  WRITING! This is a child who we (the Occupational therapist and I) were worried about how she was still fist gripping the colouring pencils.  Well that phase has gone - and we really didn't 'do' much to help her there.  She has a near perfect grip on whatever writing implement she is using.

The writing started with a few random apps on the iPad I found, they had fun ways of encouraging letters.  They have been on the iPad for ages and just recently has she started enjoying them.

This progressed the other day to Miss M asking me to write her name for her on the white board on our fridge (once used for a shopping list, now just a daily reminder of our lack of organisation!).  I obliged and she pushed a chair in front of the fridge and wrote her name underneath, and it looked pretty good too.  Definitely a proud mummy moment! (And yes it is still on the whiteboard!).  

It is a challenge to keep Miss F (2 yrs old ) still when you're trying to dress her or change a nappy, so we have resorted to singing counting songs or the alphabet.  Both of the girls love it.  Miss F just sings along random noises that sounds similar.  Miss M seems to be actually enjoying the learning and is linking them back to words and other games with letters.  Any book that has a picture of more than one thing has the story paused to count them. 

The other theme that seems to be in this house lately is art and painting.  Miss M has told me this week that she wants to be an "auntist"! 

We were lucky enough to recently have a rock painting session at a local playground.  Well isn't that just the bees knees! Miss F really couldn't care less - unless she can throw them.  But Miss M has completely fallen in love with painting things.  She's painted rocks, and shells, and wooden animal toys, and I don't know what else!

The rocks have ended up having an extra use.  Miss M being ASD is REALLY bad at looking for things.  Something can be right in front of her and she just won't see it.  Directions are useless - like "look up a bit" " look down" " behind you" " near your foot" "near the cupboard".  They just have her spinning in circles and looking at the roof.  So practicing finding things is a great idea - and even better... the girls love it! So I hide the rocks in one area of the house or garden and then they run around crazy style trying to find them and put them in their little baskets.  Then we count them all to see if we found them all.  What a wonderful game! It's awesome how much learning came from a game we came up with together after painting rocks! 

Where's Wally has also been great for getting Miss M to look and find things.  We had a lovely time one day last week while Miss F napped looking through this picture.  

This also had us talking about all the different sports on an athletics field and then YouTubing some olympic action.  Miss M was fascinated with the javelin and high jump.  We talked about the amount of training and practice the athletes need to be so good at their sport.  

Miss F is all about colours lately.  The easiest way to keep her from destroying something is to give her something with a lot of colours and get her to match them.  She loves it! Buttons. Pom poms. Whatever I can find.  

Here I got an ice cube tray and put a row of different coloured pom poms down one side and got her to find a matching coloured pom pom for the other side.  After one round she was off and played with these by herself for about 20 mins.  Then they got thrown and kicked all over the house! 

My struggle for this month is bedtimes.  I hate them.  I hate being the grumpy nag just constantly telling them to get back in bed, or lie down.  Even if I'm managing to do it calm and gently putting them back in bed, its driving me nuts. I hate that they often take until 10pm to go to sleep.  This is the time I get to sit down and do something I enjoy without worrying about anyone else.  Just a little part of my day for me.  So when the girls take most of that up fighting with sleep it drives me nuts. So we're going to stop the nag and give them books and a lamp and check in on them regularly and see if they need different books.  While I feel this will work well for Miss M, who is a bit older than Miss F, I think Miss F may still manage to push my buttons.  But lets see how it goes hey! 

For the moment they are both asleep, so I'm off to do some colouring in of my own! 😀

Not doing the "should"

So a little over a year ago Miss M (3yrs old) was diagnosed ASD.  Despite the fact that we pretty much knew it was coming it gave us that extra push to change the way we did a lot of things.  However it has still taken us a year to figure out one of the most (I feel) important things about our little aspie, and our parenting style.  That is that we don't need to do all those "things" you get told or feel that you should.

On a side note I hate the word "should", there are things that you need to do, or want to do, and that's about it.  If you don't need it or want then there is no reason that you "should" do it or get it.

So we stopped doing all things that we felt we "should" do.  Like rhyme time at the library every week.  She was always enthusiastic about going, but once there found the energy and noise from all the other kids completely overwhelming. Instead we have a Justine Clarke CD and an ABC CD in the car and sing songs with ridiculous animation whenever we drive anywhere.  We read books (at least 2) every night and usually a couple during the day.  Ok, I think we've got rhyme time at the library covered....

We stopped doing swimming lessons.  I once felt kids should have swimming lessons always.  Aussie kids need to learn to swim, too many drown.  Well Miss M forced a change in my thinking.  If every lesson is her screaming, then she's not really learning swimming, or even on a basic level learning confidence in the water, is she? Nope.  So we stopped that.  The last month she has started lying back in the bath and putting her ears under the water.  Awesome hey! She will blow bubbles in the bath - mainly because Miss F (1 yrs old) thinks it's hilarious.  We've done a few caravan trips to the beach and she's had a few brief paddles.  And she has had a few (albeit highly anxious) bobs in the pool at granny's house.  We'll build on this as we see appropriate.  I still feel that I will encourage learning to swim, just not on my agenda, on hers.

We stopped doing gymnastics.  This was a hard one.  Miss M loved jumping on the trampoline and balancing on the beams and showing the teacher she could do things, for the first 20 mins of the 1hr class, then it all became too much for her and she would have a melt down at the next thing being asked of her.  But it's good for kids development and confidence to jump and balance in a formal setting, and put on a show every year.  So eventually we realised that this too needed to go.  So instead we jump on our trampoline in the back yard.  Whenever we walk anywhere there is always things to balance on, and she's getting more confident with not holding our hands while she walks along fences and whatever else she can find.  Every disney musical dvd watched is not without a dancing leaping show.  Most rainy weather days have our lounge room turn into some sort of random obstacle course of tunnels and cushions.

We considered doing a ball play program for toddlers.  We went once, and it was hectic and loud and chaotic and both girls were completely overwhelmed.  So instead we play with basketballs and tennis balls and odd shaped balls regularly.  We bounce basketballs in the back yard, throw super bouncy balls all over the house, roll balls between us, kick them soccer style up and down our hallway.  And they love it.

Now some might say that she is missing out on important social development by not being involved in all these things, along with not going to day care or kindergarten.  But I wonder how much social interaction she was getting when she did attend these things, when she spent most of them in complete melt down or so anxious that she ran around giggling at such a high pitch that only dogs could hear her!

We used to love going to a small local play group.  We went for about 3 years, knew all the parents and the kids.  Still Miss M struggled with the noise and energy of a bunch of kids, even when it was only three others.  So we stopped going there too.  Instead we organise play dates with friends at cafes and houses and parks.  Then there is just a couple of other kids to deal with and it's a much more controlled environment to me to be able to teach her social appropriateness in real time - as well as the ongoing random conversations that happen for weeks afterwards!

Since stopping everything she is a new person.  She has rekindled her love of colouring in - and doing an amazing job of it.  She is having fun again, exploring new things and enjoying old things.  And it is wonderful to see, and worth all the moments of doubt at not doing all the things we once thought we "should".

xx

Same, same and some different.

Between work commitments and home commitments the last few months really got away from me! What have we been doing? Heaps, and not much, and more of the usual, and lots of different things. Get the picture?

We went to an emu and stag farm near Bright. The girls loved it, they had so much fun feeding the animals.  Miss F (1.5yrs) is now completely in love with emus and loves watching YouTube videos of them.  Emu's running, emu's sticking their heads into petrified tourists cars, emu's chasing cyclists, emu's eating - I have to admit they're pretty funny to watch eat!

Miss M (3.5yrs) has taken it upon herself to teach Miss F everything, yep, everything.  So our car drives consist of Miss M saying things like "F can you say blue?", then Miss F says something that sounds like blue (sort of), and Miss M say "great! OK, now can you say yellow" etc.  She is teaching her colours and number and lots of random words along the way.

Also in the past few months I've come to realisation that I am currently housing more fat on my body than ever before - yay for achievements hey! So we have been doing lots more outside things, like walking and riding. Our favourite walk at the moment is around the local lake.  The girls love spotting all the birds, especially the odd pelican and watching the ducks dive under to catch a fish.

Sometimes the girls sit in the pram, sometimes on their iPads, sometimes they ride their bikes.  Miss M loves her balance bike - she's getting pretty good at it now too.  Balance and co-ordination are not in her list of talents, so it's good to see her gradually mastering something like a balance bike.

The other day when we walked around the lake a group of guys had some remote controlled speed boats on the lake. Usually that sort of noise would have Miss M curled up in a ball terrified. But to my surprise she was completely fascinated and loved watching them go around and around.  We stood at the end of the pier for a while and watched them speed past.  Talking about how each one was different and watching how they sprayed water behind them.  We left with Miss M deciding she really wants a blue and red one (her favourite colours at the moment).

In the last few months we also got a small aquarium in the dinning room, just with a few gold fish.  The girls love it.  At first two fish died, so we had some very superficial conversations about death.  As Miss M is very literal and logical in her thinking we didn't want to say anything made up about death - like they go to a garden, or a big ocean to play etc.  We just said that the fish had died and is no longer alive, and maybe a few other things.  We put the poor fishy in the bin and she seemed ok with that.  So far, I'm sure it'll come up in conversation again one day.

We've had some lovely days with lego.  Miss M likes to meticulously build little cities and gardens.  Miss F likes to throw the lego and destroy Miss M's creations.

A fabulous friend recently bought the girls these magnetic construction shapes.  They are brilliant! The girls have played with them for almost two days solid.  Making cars, houses, snakes, random shapes.  Miss F has had a great time spreading them throughout the house finding all the things that they will stick to, and again, destroying Miss M's creations.

The ongoing themes with Miss M are still continuing.  She is still in love with anything oceanic, especially octopuses and sharks.  She loves telling us all about them, what they eat, how they breathe, what type they are.  There's a YouTube video of an octopus solving problems, and getting through mazes with locks on doors - it's a favourite of ours.  It's amazing how a big squishy lump can be so intelligent.

We frequently have to google things to see what they are made of.  Last week we had to look up what glass is made of.  Miss M asked if it was wood or plastic or perhaps wool? Apparently they're the basis for everything solid! For those playing at home it's made out of sand and lime.  We spent ages watching videos of glass being made and glass blowing.  Such a beautiful art.

😀

Parenting blues

So I haven't written a blog for a few weeks.  I guess you could say I've had the parenting blues.  Now I'm sure I'm not the only one that has these funks.  In fact I don't think I would be wrong in saying that I'm sure most parents would have these times.  I also know I'm right in saying that it doesn't mean I love my girls any less.  They may be driving me batty lately, but they're still my girls.

It's just that nothing seems to change.  You know those days, those wonderfully groundhog style days, that can go on for weeks or months.  I'm in a groundhog day.  There's the same arguments, the same battles, the same dramas, the same lack of sleep, the same lack of "me time", the same lack of "couple time", and the same constant feeling of chaos and feeling 'behind' or inadequate in, well, everything.  Feeling behind in the shopping, feeling behind in the laundry, feeling behind in doing fun things with the girls. And that feeling that nothing changes, ever.  Just, stuck.

I am over the girls fighting over toys, constantly. Unless they have the exact same toy and the exact same number of the same toys, it's an argument.

I am over their constant attachment to dummies.  They say autistic kids attach to things, well Miss M (3.5yrs) has attached dummies. Yep, massive eye roll from me too.  I'm not anti - dummies, but I'm not a huge fan.  They worked well for us when the girls were babies, now they drive me batty.  I'm over asking them to take their dummies out to talk.  I'm not a fan of controlling their dummy attachment, especially Miss M, as it is her one main method of calming herself, so I don't feel it would be right to take it away.  But oh! Does she have to constantly rattle them and talk with them in her mouth so I get a muffled speech full of lisps.  Ok, deep breath.

I'm over trying to guide Miss M to do something and her either not even 'hearing' me, or yelling at me to "stop it" or, even better "I know mummy!!".  Seriously! When did three year olds become teenagers??

I'm over cooking meals that they then hardly touch.  Meals in our house are restricted by two things - Miss F (1.5 yrs) is dairy intolerant, and Miss M has three meals she will eat - and again if they don't have EXACTLY the same thing on their plates it's a drama. So we rotate three meals.  Which I'm sure they're sick of, because I know I am - but when you throw in something random it doesn't even get looked at by Miss M, and then Miss F copies.

I know my kids feed off my emotions and feelings.  So I know when I'm feeling down and grumpy and completely fed up with the groundhog day, that they feel it too.  I also know that it is INCREDIBLY hard to change your mood to try and help theirs while you're still stuck in the groundhog day.

So.
I've joined in their colouring in sessions (hello, I'm an adult and I love colouring in), which has actually been fun - until Miss F tells me off for sitting in her chair and I have to sit on the ground.

I've changed our bedtime routine so I can float in and out of their bedroom instead of rocking them to sleep - leaving me with a clean house and sleeping babies much earlier and more time for "me time".

I've had a few brief escapes out for coffee on my own with a book - this is hard to organise as my wife and I work shiftwork around each other.

I've found just the act of making a coffee - boiling the kettle, spooning in the coffee and stirring the milk in - very calming, so have found myself making a dozen coffees a day (most of them get forgotten about and go cold, allowing me to make another - luckily I drink decaf!).

I have tried to make sure I do some form of exercise most days.

And I've eaten a ridiculous amount of chocolate.  Chocolate is my vice, I've tried wine, I end up with a headache after a few mouthfuls, and I don't smoke.  So chocolate remains my drug of choice.

At the end of all this I am finally feeling a little bit better.  Not quite my usual chipper self.  But better. It's been a rough couple of months.  And I have a renewed respect to single parents or parents who's partners work FIFO.  Lordy, hats off to you guys!

Thanks for listening.  Be kind to yourselves.

Now I'm off to do some colouring in! 😀

Two mums, stickers and being an adult.

While we've had several conversations with Miss M (3.5yrs) about the different people in different families, we haven't yet had a chat specifically about our family.  We have two girls and they have two mums, and no dad, and so far no brothers.  We weren't really expecting any conversations about this for a few years yet, but Miss M decided to get a head start.

Miss M "mummy do you have a dad?"
Me "Yes, grandpa is my dad"
Miss M "mummy do I have a dad?"
Me "No, you have two mums instead, me and mumma"
Miss M "but I want a dad!"

While I love ABC kids TV shows, they leave a lot to be desired when it comes to anything out of the general norm.  For example there aren't many shows with homeschooled kids, or two mums, or autism (although sesame street does now have an autistic character, my autistic 3.5yr old doesn't really like sesame st).

I explained that every family is different, and this family just happens to not have a dad in it.  Some families have two dads, some only have a mum or a dad, and some, like ours, have two mums. Just like brothers and sisters.  Not everyone has a brother or a sister.  I have a brother and a sister, but mumma doesn't have either.  Then I talked about some of her friends who did and didn't have brothers or sisters.  She seemed happy with this explanation, so far. But watch this space, I feel there will be more on this at a later date!



One of Miss M's issues (as identified by the OT and Speech path) is her, for lack of a better word, inability to imagine and she struggles with imaginative play.  When given a picture, of anything, she struggles to come up with a pretend story.  If you tell her a story, you first have to tell her that it is pretend.  So most of the toys we buy and a lot of the things we do are around encouraging her to be imaginative.  One thing I've found to be fantastic is some reusable stickers with scenes. It helps that Miss M LOVES stickers, and because of this we have stickers on most surfaces in our house!

These ones are "Melissa & Doug" stickers.  There's a few different scenes and heaps of reusable stickers for each one.  Miss M and Miss F (1.5years) both love them - and they're not too hard for Miss F to do on her own.  After we had made the pictures, Miss M and I sat and talked about what the animals were doing, who they might be friends with and how they might be feeling.  We made up games that they might enjoy to play with their friends, we talked about what they might eat, and where they might sleep.  It was interesting that, to Miss M, only animals that looked alike could be friends, and then the odd ones out were teamed up.  For example the clownfish couldn't be friends with the octopus, it could only be friends with the other clownfish.  The Octopus was friends with the diver, because there was only one of each, and they were both lonely.  

We also try to do lots of different arty things.  This is something I struggle with.  I find a lot of things I want to do with the girls, or think they would enjoy, they're just too young to do.  They both still struggle with scissors - Miss M can use the special OT ones we got, but she has a short attention span with them, I think her hands get sore.  We try painting - neither of the girls like to get paint on their hands, and are very quickly done with it.  However we found these awesome painting textas that they LOVE! 

There's no mess, it's not sticky, they're perfect.  So now the art on our walls is growing every day! And, as we are not allowed to swap the pieces of art around, more and more walls around our house are getting covered with art.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  💜

Miss M, thanks to her limited imagination, also has a wonderful view about what being a grown up means.  She asked me if one day she will be a grown up.  When I said that she would, she said oh good.  I asked her why -  

"Then I can do grown up things! Like drink coffee, and clean up broken glass, and rock babies to sleep".  

Apparently that's all we do! 😀💖

X-rays, puppies and silliness!

A lot of this week has been about bodies.  There's been the usual conversations about wee and poo - they're a staple in this house lately! But then there's the conversations about food and where it goes to (our bellies), as well as what muscles and bones.  When we do something that uses our muscles (like lifting something heavy) we've always said something like "wow look at your strong muscles".  Well Miss M (3.5yrs) will now tell you to look at her muscles, as she does something, usually a random pose.

Yesterday I was rolling around on the floor with Miss F (1.5yrs) and Miss M took a sudden interest in my ankles.  Ankles are very interesting.  Then she says excitedly "Oh my goodness!! Mummy!! You have bones in your body!!".  Yes, yes I do! And so do you!! So we Googled images of X-rays - we stuck to hands and legs, I think skulls can be a bit spooky.  She loved it.  Sat on my lap comparing her hands to the pictures of hand X-rays.

We looked at all the parts on our bodies where bones can be felt easily - ankle; hip; rib; jaw; feet; toes; knuckles; elbows etc.  All the ticklish spots!!

With the weather settling down a bit this week we've been outside heaps more.  The girls have loved playing in the sandpit.  Miss F is slowing learning not to throw sand at everyone.  The dogs have enjoyed having us outside too.  We play 'find the buried treasure' in the sandpit. We bury barbie dolls, sticks, sandpit toys, my feet.  They love digging up a treasure.  So the girls did this, so I could find her....

                                

I think she actually enjoyed it! She didn't move once.  

Miss M LOVES taking photos.  My phone is always telling me my storage is full and I have to go through all the photos and delete hundreds of random photos (I do keep some).  She loves her own feet! Lately it's been shadows.  Lots of photos of shadows.  And random exclamations of having found her shadow.  We've talked about something blocking a light and that makes a shadow... but I don't think she understands.  She likes watching Peter Pan chase his shadow! 

                                    

One of the things Miss M struggles with (being autistic) is creative play.  Playing with things in a different way to what they were designed for is always a fun conversation.  I'm always doing the wrong thing and being told I'm silly - silliness is underrated! It feels really strange having to teach my daughter how to be silly and random, and not always so completely serious and black and white.  It's not something I ever though parenting would look like.  Don't get me wrong, it's sometimes fun being the silly one, and being able to justify it to unknowing onlookers! 

We recently got a beautiful wooden rainbow puzzle.  It's brilliant for encouraging creative play.  It can be anything you want.  It took a fair amount of convincing to get Miss M to let me make them bridges on our road rug.  I was silly and wrong and all sorts of things! But in the end she loved it and actually spent ages playing with the cars, going under the bridges and over them! 

                                         

I feel like these blogs neglect Miss F lately.  Grated she doesn't talk much, but she's trying! Most of our conversations with her are very repetitive or are telling her not to bite (yes, she's a biter!).  Today the dog (featured above) actually managed to steal a soft toy (a puppy) out of Miss F's hands and ran off with it. It was good to see Miss F get a taste of her own medicine for a change (usually she's the snatcher!).  She was very upset and for about an hour the conversation was "Daisy! Puppy! Gone!"  While she stood next to our dog pointing at her.  We got the toy back straight away (otherwise she would have eaten it!).  But it didn't calm the drama in our poor tormented bub! lol!

Pom poms, shapes and squishy beads.

We've had quite a few windy and wet days lately.  Even when it wasn't wet it was really windy. Miss M (3.5) is quite freaked out by the wind, so we do things inside - much to the disgust of Miss F (1.5yrs) who, much like a puppy dog, has energy to burn and needs to 'run' it off.  So we find things to do inside that keep both happy.

This week we found some coloured electrical tape and made shapes on the floor.  Together with different coloured bean bags the girls had a ball.  They threw bags, and jumped, and hopped, and crawled like dogs, and retrieved bean bags in their mouths like dogs.  It was very entertaining.

Miss M surprised me again with her knowledge, this time of shapes.  We counted sides of squares and rectangles and triangles and talked about the differences, she was all over it.  Then we made harder shapes and she knew the names of those... hexagon, octagon.  I got her with one though - she didn't know what a pentagon was ... although she does now!

 

Something Miss M doesn't like very much is getting wet, she will tolerate it for a bit and then demand a towel, or completely loose her plot!  Miss F, however, would happily spend her life running through sprinklers, or chasing her sister with a hose.  Water beads has been a fantastic discovery for this family! They challenge Miss M to touch wet things - as well as sparking conversations about colours and texture.  We've talked about water being a liquid (and milk, and coffee, and wee! amongst other things), and the beads being solid but soft and slimy - and great fun to squish and break and crumble! And it keeps Miss F happy because she's touching something wet and weird, without creating too much mess (so also keeping mummy happy!).  It's really lucky the girls like them because my wonderful wife bought some from an online wholesaler... so we have a lifetime supply! 

Miss M has almost no interest in letters or writing, most of the time.  She likes numbers, but not really letters.  I don't think she understands that they are two different things, letters and numbers.  Every now and then, while drawing, one of us will write her name, or Miss F's name on their artwork.  Miss M knows that her name starts with 'M', and that's about it.  She has never tried to write it, or wanted to trace our writing.  Until this week.  While drawing, Miss M wanted her name written, Mis F's name written, our names written.  Then she wrote her name on the paper and was so proud.

Don't tell her, but other than the 'M' it looks nothing like her name! But it was still a proud mummy moment! 

One of the things recommended by the occupational therapist was using some specially designed chopsticks to move things around to improve her pencil grip - which is more like a fist grip at the moment.  So we found some pom poms and she had a ball! No pun intended. She moved the pom poms around and sorted them out, sometimes she used the chopsticks the right way, other times she had them however she wanted to.  

                                 

It also followed well with her recent theme of things being bigger/smaller, longer/shorter and so on. We've talked a lot about one person being shorter, or a truck being longer than another, Miss M being taller than her sister (and marking it on the wall).  It started with a study ladder activity (https://www.studyladder.com.au ) where she had to pick which item was bigger or longer etc.  Even though we like the unschooling model of homeschooling, I find study ladder is something Miss M loves and will ask to do. Like just now. I guess that's the end of my turn on the computer! 😀