So I haven't written a blog for a few weeks. I guess you could say I've had the parenting blues. Now I'm sure I'm not the only one that has these funks. In fact I don't think I would be wrong in saying that I'm sure most parents would have these times. I also know I'm right in saying that it doesn't mean I love my girls any less. They may be driving me batty lately, but they're still my girls.
It's just that nothing seems to change. You know those days, those wonderfully groundhog style days, that can go on for weeks or months. I'm in a groundhog day. There's the same arguments, the same battles, the same dramas, the same lack of sleep, the same lack of "me time", the same lack of "couple time", and the same constant feeling of chaos and feeling 'behind' or inadequate in, well, everything. Feeling behind in the shopping, feeling behind in the laundry, feeling behind in doing fun things with the girls. And that feeling that nothing changes, ever. Just, stuck.
I am over the girls fighting over toys, constantly. Unless they have the exact same toy and the exact same number of the same toys, it's an argument.
I am over their constant attachment to dummies. They say autistic kids attach to things, well Miss M (3.5yrs) has attached dummies. Yep, massive eye roll from me too. I'm not anti - dummies, but I'm not a huge fan. They worked well for us when the girls were babies, now they drive me batty. I'm over asking them to take their dummies out to talk. I'm not a fan of controlling their dummy attachment, especially Miss M, as it is her one main method of calming herself, so I don't feel it would be right to take it away. But oh! Does she have to constantly rattle them and talk with them in her mouth so I get a muffled speech full of lisps. Ok, deep breath.
I'm over trying to guide Miss M to do something and her either not even 'hearing' me, or yelling at me to "stop it" or, even better "I know mummy!!". Seriously! When did three year olds become teenagers??
I'm over cooking meals that they then hardly touch. Meals in our house are restricted by two things - Miss F (1.5 yrs) is dairy intolerant, and Miss M has three meals she will eat - and again if they don't have EXACTLY the same thing on their plates it's a drama. So we rotate three meals. Which I'm sure they're sick of, because I know I am - but when you throw in something random it doesn't even get looked at by Miss M, and then Miss F copies.
I know my kids feed off my emotions and feelings. So I know when I'm feeling down and grumpy and completely fed up with the groundhog day, that they feel it too. I also know that it is INCREDIBLY hard to change your mood to try and help theirs while you're still stuck in the groundhog day.
So.
I've joined in their colouring in sessions (hello, I'm an adult and I love colouring in), which has actually been fun - until Miss F tells me off for sitting in her chair and I have to sit on the ground.
I've changed our bedtime routine so I can float in and out of their bedroom instead of rocking them to sleep - leaving me with a clean house and sleeping babies much earlier and more time for "me time".
I've had a few brief escapes out for coffee on my own with a book - this is hard to organise as my wife and I work shiftwork around each other.
I've found just the act of making a coffee - boiling the kettle, spooning in the coffee and stirring the milk in - very calming, so have found myself making a dozen coffees a day (most of them get forgotten about and go cold, allowing me to make another - luckily I drink decaf!).
I have tried to make sure I do some form of exercise most days.
And I've eaten a ridiculous amount of chocolate. Chocolate is my vice, I've tried wine, I end up with a headache after a few mouthfuls, and I don't smoke. So chocolate remains my drug of choice.
At the end of all this I am finally feeling a little bit better. Not quite my usual chipper self. But better. It's been a rough couple of months. And I have a renewed respect to single parents or parents who's partners work FIFO. Lordy, hats off to you guys!
Thanks for listening. Be kind to yourselves.
Now I'm off to do some colouring in! 😀
