Crappy mummy days, and Shrek.

Today was a crappy mummy day.  No, seriously, it was.  I felt like a crappy mummy today. I am sure we all have those days.  I can't possibly be the only one that gets to the end of some days and has a list a mile long of the things I wish I had done differently, better. And then a smaller list of the things I did ok.  Today was one of those days.

I yelled.  A lot.  Every time the girls fought, I yelled.  Every time they argued over something, I yelled and removed the something.  Yeah, totally a gentle and respectful parenting day.  NOT! And then I cried, from dinner time onwards.  I cried and put myself to bed, way before the girls were ready for bed.  I cried until my beautiful three year old came and laid on me and asked for Netflix.  (I know, totally different world than when I grew up, my three year old knows Netflix!).  So then we watched Netflix together in my bed for a bit, all three of us cuddled up together, tired and grumpy.  Then when I realised that the girls were getting restless and tired, I helped them move to their beds and go to sleep. (I'd love to have them fall asleep with me watching a movie, but it just doesn't work for these two).

What were we watching? Shrek.  We were watching Shrek.  He always makes me smile.

Even better it was "Shrek forever after" were he gets sick of the same day repeating over and over with his wife and triplets, and wishes for a day, just a day, to be like it was before them.  And he spent the entire day trying to get them back.

I totally get this movie.  It is my day.  My crappy mum day.  There are moments I would sign any bit of random paper, with whatever ridiculous hidden catches, just to have a day on my own (seriously if you haven't seen the movie, you really should).  Then there are moments - tonight that moment came when my three year old just laid down on me and cuddled me - where I would move heaven and earth to keep them near me.

My excuse for being a crappy mum today?  Oh, who needs one!  Really?  Ok.  So, lets see.... I've had a week of really awful sleeps thanks to having two kids sick all week.  I'm thinking they've given me their germs also, starting to get that familiar tickle in my throat.  And we've been home for three days. They were not quite well enough to go out anywhere, but were not sick enough to rest up on the couch.  So that means they were crabby and grumpy and generally awful to each other because they felt awful.

I did pretty well for the first two days.  I was calm.  We had some fun and then some quiet time when they could no longer cope with the fun.  I even did not too bad for the first part of today.  Then their fighting got to me.  Seriously, I went to hang out a load of washing (which I had just washed by hand because our washing machine has died. 😩) and I come back in to the sound of screaming to find Miss M and Miss F duelling with the mop and broom.

Anyway.  There is always excuses or reasons, things in life that push you closer to the edge and make it harder to not loose your plot and yell, harder to stay the loving calm parent you want to be.  It is what it is.  Today was a crappy mummy day.  It's not every day.

So at the end of the day, I hug my babies. We talk about being grumpy and how we still love each other even though today was a really hard day to not be grumpy and yell at each other (they did their share of yelling).  We talk about how everyone has bad days.  Today was one of mummy's bad days.  We talk about how everyone needs to practice how to be grumpy without upsetting other people, because it is ok to have grumpy days, but not really ok to yell at everyone all day.  And we hope that tomorrow will be an easier day, and that after a good sleep maybe we won't all feel so awful and grumpy.

So shrug off your crappy mummy (or dad) days, tomorrow is another day to try again.  💗

"This too shall pass..."

It has been ages since I last felt the twinkle of a post starting to form in my brain.  I guess this has mostly been to me working a bit more - brain full of work instead of kids and home, and then tired brain not wanting to think of anything! But here I am again!

 I've just read over all the blogs I've written so far - it really is lovely to see how far the girls have come, and it really does solidify in my head that this (homeschooling / unschooling) approach to life and learning is the right one for us.  Yes I still have days where I doubt it - doesn't everyone doubt things sometimes?  And yes I have days where I think 8 hours of time at home on my own, or available to work, would be nice.  But then something pops up and shuts down the doubts and little voices.

I was listening to a pod cast about unschooling the other day and the lady talking was in the USA.  She was talking about all the different reasons that people she knew chose to homeschool. One of the most common reasons given was family time and knowing their children.  People commonly felt that when their kids leave home at 6 or 7 in the morning and don't come home until 5 in the evening, when they finish high school and head off to college they felt like they hardly knew them.  I love that homeschooling gives me the opportunity to feel like I really know my girls.  Even if I don't get to sit and watch Netflix on my own, like ever!

So where are we now?  Miss M is almost 5, Miss F is almost 3.  And for all the parents out there struggling with the 1 - 4 age group, whether there's one kid in there or more, IT GETS EASIER! Or at least it did for me.  Not sure if it has to do with Miss M being on the spectrum (ASD) or not.  But oh wow has she calmed down a lot! Things are smoother, mostly.  Yes there is attitude, but it's kind of entertaining.  I don't mind when she sounds like a grumpy, sarcastic, full-of-attitude version of myself.  Its so much easier than the freaked out, not coping, melt downs of her 3 year old self.

From having months of in house routine and not many commitments with the outside world we have blossomed into a busy homeschooling family with things on option most days - park, bike rides, brunch dates, play dates, bush walks, shopping, errands, playgroup, ballet, gymnastics etc.  Some days we still choose a quiet home day (like today, and yesterday, and the day before...), but some weeks we are out every day.  It is all played by ear and depends what the girls want to do.

When we do go out we often connect with a lovely local group of homeschoolers and do a range of different activities - skatepark, playing in the mud somewhere, bush walks, indoor playcenters, whatever is going.  It's lovely to see the kids of all ages include each other and play random, made up games together, no one gets left out, even the youngest kids are included.

When we stay in we do whatever the girls want to do.  Some days that is iPads or movies all day.  Some days are spent in the back yard.  I just become "yes" mum.  Miss 4 is very much in crafting and will often come up with random things to make or activities to do.  A favourite lately is mixing paint - she doesn't actually want to paint anything, just mix the paint to make different colours.

Today is an iPad and netflix day.  Yesterday was a craft day - we played with air drying clay and watched youtube videos of people using pottery wheels, and drew pictures, and did colouring in.  Tomorrow is a day of outings and events.

Miss M (4) is loving numbers still.  When we go for drives out and about the girls love to yell out when they see a "number sign" (speed sign) and are both learning which numbers are called what, and which is higher or lower than the previous sign.  We are currently growing carrot tops in some cotton wool, every morning we measure how big they are and write it down and see how much they have grown.  Writing is still a challenge for Miss M, but she is slowing getting interested.  Miss F is all about letters and what noises we make for them.


My previous frustrations with bedtimes have, mostly, resolved. Very thankful for that! We have kept a very relaxed bedtime routine.  When one looks tired we offer bed and a cuddle and a book, while the other keeps playing quietly at whatever takes their interest.  Some nights they are both asleep by 8.30, sometimes they are still up at 10.30.  But it is, almost, always calmer that it used to be.  I don't yell, or get angry, we just plod through the evening and what will be will be.  We are slowly releasing all the rules we used to have around bedtime, and replacing them with an opportunity for the girls to figure out their own needs and learn what their bodies are saying to them.  This is still a work in progress.

Bring on a different day every day, while still being the same.

Colouring, Clay and Superheroes!

Miss M (4) looooooves to do art.  She loves to paint, draw, create in all sorts of ways.  We have a wall full of art, that is now literally full and it is a massive negotiation talk to swap any old stuff for new stuff.  Have you seen our wall? I'm sure I've shared it before.. anyway here it is again.

There's two in the middle there - a house and a weird bird like thing - they were drawn in an iPad app and then I printed them.   It took me ages to figure out how to print them - little bit proud of myself for figuring it out.  There would be heaps more up there...but we ran out of ink.  And then came the massive negotiation to take down the old art and put up the new... parenting should be an automatic qualification for an entry level lawyer or hostage negotiator!

Miss M also loves to draw on skin.  Her skin, her sister's skin, my skin.  Loves it.  So sometimes we let her, and sometimes we find her covered in paint, or texta, looking like a blue smurf (it's usually blue) or a tiger with stripes.  Often when I'm tired (blaming the shift work here) and the girls are wanting attention, I'll lie down and give them a texta and a leg each - keeps the occupied for ages and I can doze with a lovely tickling massage on my legs.  Lol!! Parenting win right there!

This was a very intricate design of a caterpillar becoming a beautiful butterfly.  💜

We also love playdoh - lately however we have run out of playdoh and just haven't got around to making any more (in truth I keep forgetting to add "salt" to the shopping list).  However I found this stuff at Spotlight (how much do we love spotlight!), this amazing air drying clay.  We made christmas tree ornaments (although we forgot to add them to the tree this year - maybe next year?) which the girls can paint next time they want to paint something random, and some beads that we can paint and turn in to a necklace one day.  The clay is a bit gooey and the girls both took a while getting used to it leaving a brown slimy cover on their hands, but it was heaps of fun once they got over that.  

                                     

Also found at spotlight was a kit that made super hero masks (it was all felt and could probably be done cheaper just buying the stuff not the kit - will try that next time).  Miss F (2) needed some help with hers, but Miss M enjoying being completely independent and even made me one.  Once they dried the game of 'catch the villain' started and they literally ran around in circles trying to catch each other.  

I took a photo with all of us wearing our masks and smiling - it makes it look like we haven't been arguing all morning doesn't it? Love how photos are deceptive like that.  😀

                                     

Counting, Yoga and Stop signs

Miss M (4) is all about numbers, and colouring and craft at the moment.  She is desperate to learn how to read, letters and numbers, but isn't interested in being taught.  So finding new and 4 year old accepted ways to help her learn the things she wants is a non stop challenge.  

This week, and most likely ONLY this week, colour by numbers was a massive hit! I am a big child myself and love doing my big kid colour by numbers, so I found a website (education.com) that, for a small subscription fee, has heaps of printable worksheets - including colour by numbers.  I may have got a little excited and printed heaps of different worksheets for the girls - I'm almost completely sure that I will get more enjoyment out of completing them myself, but we'll give it a go.

The colour by numbers ones were a hit - that is once I started colouring in one myself and asking Miss M to help me find the numbers.  She had a ball finding all the numbers for me to colour in.  I think we made a good team!

Miss M then came up with the idea of making a colour by numbers for me.  She chose a unicorn picture and then wrote  numbers all over it.  I was then instructed on what colour each number was.   For her first time writing numbers, I think she did a pretty good job, and it was so beautiful seeing her so proud of herself.

Miss F (2)  joined us in doing some colouring, but it's not really her thing.   Still trying to figure out what her thing is, other than throwing and tackling and jumping.  She definitely much more physical than Miss M.  I love how two siblings can be so completely different.

In a way to get Miss M more aware of her movements and body - a fairly 'typical' thing for Aspie kids is a lack of coordination - is yoga.  She loves showing off her yoga tree or down dog.  My beautiful sister bought her a yoga matt not long ago, but it's plain blue much to Miss M's disappointment (mine has a florally pattern all over it).  Well, this week Miss M found a way to fix that, and now she is even more proud of her mat and her yoga time.  She gets out her yoga mat every evening with her Mumma and they do some yoga together.  Sometimes Miss M only lasts a few minutes, and then goes back for the relaxation at the end, other times she lasts longer, either way it's a lovely way for her and her Mumma to bond, and gets her moving and aware of her body.

As Miss M is getting bigger and taller she is able to now open our house doors when they're shut.  This can be very useful now she is wanting to use the toilet more - she is able to take herself and seems to be much happier with that independence instead of having to rely on an adult to take her.  However, it also means she can open the door that leads to the garage. We have a tradition in our house, whenever one of us comes home from work, as soon as the garage door is heard going up, both the girls (and usually the dogs) run to the internal door leading to the garage and knock on it until the homecoming parent knocks back.  Now that Miss M can open the doors she has started opening the door herself.  Until this week that has been ok, as we have implemented the rule that the door doesn't open until the car on the other side is heard to stop (i.e. engine is off).  And as both of us are aware that she can open the door we are vigilant about watching it as we drive into the garage (for safety).  This week that rule was forgotten about and Mumma had a nasty shock when the girls and the dogs ran into the garage before she had finished driving in.  Luckily we are hyper aware of this safety issue and she was watching the door and stopped - no one was injured, or honestly even close to being injured.  But the risk is there, and very scary.

As Miss M doesn't respond very well to being lectured, no matter how calm or nice or gentle you approach it, talking to her doesn't do much.  In the effort of trying to solidify the rule of not opening the garage door we combined it with art.  Brilliant I thought! Miss M and I googled what a stop sign looks like, then I drew one on some paper and Miss M had a great time painting it.  While she painted we talked casually about what the word "stop" means and what a great reminder it will be for all us to stop at the garage door until the car noises stop so that no one gets hurt by a moving car.  Fingers crossed it works!

Here's to kids giving us regular moments of pure terror, followed by moments of pure joy and love.  Crazy kids!