"This too shall pass..."

It has been ages since I last felt the twinkle of a post starting to form in my brain.  I guess this has mostly been to me working a bit more - brain full of work instead of kids and home, and then tired brain not wanting to think of anything! But here I am again!

 I've just read over all the blogs I've written so far - it really is lovely to see how far the girls have come, and it really does solidify in my head that this (homeschooling / unschooling) approach to life and learning is the right one for us.  Yes I still have days where I doubt it - doesn't everyone doubt things sometimes?  And yes I have days where I think 8 hours of time at home on my own, or available to work, would be nice.  But then something pops up and shuts down the doubts and little voices.

I was listening to a pod cast about unschooling the other day and the lady talking was in the USA.  She was talking about all the different reasons that people she knew chose to homeschool. One of the most common reasons given was family time and knowing their children.  People commonly felt that when their kids leave home at 6 or 7 in the morning and don't come home until 5 in the evening, when they finish high school and head off to college they felt like they hardly knew them.  I love that homeschooling gives me the opportunity to feel like I really know my girls.  Even if I don't get to sit and watch Netflix on my own, like ever!

So where are we now?  Miss M is almost 5, Miss F is almost 3.  And for all the parents out there struggling with the 1 - 4 age group, whether there's one kid in there or more, IT GETS EASIER! Or at least it did for me.  Not sure if it has to do with Miss M being on the spectrum (ASD) or not.  But oh wow has she calmed down a lot! Things are smoother, mostly.  Yes there is attitude, but it's kind of entertaining.  I don't mind when she sounds like a grumpy, sarcastic, full-of-attitude version of myself.  Its so much easier than the freaked out, not coping, melt downs of her 3 year old self.

From having months of in house routine and not many commitments with the outside world we have blossomed into a busy homeschooling family with things on option most days - park, bike rides, brunch dates, play dates, bush walks, shopping, errands, playgroup, ballet, gymnastics etc.  Some days we still choose a quiet home day (like today, and yesterday, and the day before...), but some weeks we are out every day.  It is all played by ear and depends what the girls want to do.

When we do go out we often connect with a lovely local group of homeschoolers and do a range of different activities - skatepark, playing in the mud somewhere, bush walks, indoor playcenters, whatever is going.  It's lovely to see the kids of all ages include each other and play random, made up games together, no one gets left out, even the youngest kids are included.

When we stay in we do whatever the girls want to do.  Some days that is iPads or movies all day.  Some days are spent in the back yard.  I just become "yes" mum.  Miss 4 is very much in crafting and will often come up with random things to make or activities to do.  A favourite lately is mixing paint - she doesn't actually want to paint anything, just mix the paint to make different colours.

Today is an iPad and netflix day.  Yesterday was a craft day - we played with air drying clay and watched youtube videos of people using pottery wheels, and drew pictures, and did colouring in.  Tomorrow is a day of outings and events.

Miss M (4) is loving numbers still.  When we go for drives out and about the girls love to yell out when they see a "number sign" (speed sign) and are both learning which numbers are called what, and which is higher or lower than the previous sign.  We are currently growing carrot tops in some cotton wool, every morning we measure how big they are and write it down and see how much they have grown.  Writing is still a challenge for Miss M, but she is slowing getting interested.  Miss F is all about letters and what noises we make for them.


My previous frustrations with bedtimes have, mostly, resolved. Very thankful for that! We have kept a very relaxed bedtime routine.  When one looks tired we offer bed and a cuddle and a book, while the other keeps playing quietly at whatever takes their interest.  Some nights they are both asleep by 8.30, sometimes they are still up at 10.30.  But it is, almost, always calmer that it used to be.  I don't yell, or get angry, we just plod through the evening and what will be will be.  We are slowly releasing all the rules we used to have around bedtime, and replacing them with an opportunity for the girls to figure out their own needs and learn what their bodies are saying to them.  This is still a work in progress.

Bring on a different day every day, while still being the same.

Counting, Yoga and Stop signs

Miss M (4) is all about numbers, and colouring and craft at the moment.  She is desperate to learn how to read, letters and numbers, but isn't interested in being taught.  So finding new and 4 year old accepted ways to help her learn the things she wants is a non stop challenge.  

This week, and most likely ONLY this week, colour by numbers was a massive hit! I am a big child myself and love doing my big kid colour by numbers, so I found a website (education.com) that, for a small subscription fee, has heaps of printable worksheets - including colour by numbers.  I may have got a little excited and printed heaps of different worksheets for the girls - I'm almost completely sure that I will get more enjoyment out of completing them myself, but we'll give it a go.

The colour by numbers ones were a hit - that is once I started colouring in one myself and asking Miss M to help me find the numbers.  She had a ball finding all the numbers for me to colour in.  I think we made a good team!

Miss M then came up with the idea of making a colour by numbers for me.  She chose a unicorn picture and then wrote  numbers all over it.  I was then instructed on what colour each number was.   For her first time writing numbers, I think she did a pretty good job, and it was so beautiful seeing her so proud of herself.

Miss F (2)  joined us in doing some colouring, but it's not really her thing.   Still trying to figure out what her thing is, other than throwing and tackling and jumping.  She definitely much more physical than Miss M.  I love how two siblings can be so completely different.

In a way to get Miss M more aware of her movements and body - a fairly 'typical' thing for Aspie kids is a lack of coordination - is yoga.  She loves showing off her yoga tree or down dog.  My beautiful sister bought her a yoga matt not long ago, but it's plain blue much to Miss M's disappointment (mine has a florally pattern all over it).  Well, this week Miss M found a way to fix that, and now she is even more proud of her mat and her yoga time.  She gets out her yoga mat every evening with her Mumma and they do some yoga together.  Sometimes Miss M only lasts a few minutes, and then goes back for the relaxation at the end, other times she lasts longer, either way it's a lovely way for her and her Mumma to bond, and gets her moving and aware of her body.

As Miss M is getting bigger and taller she is able to now open our house doors when they're shut.  This can be very useful now she is wanting to use the toilet more - she is able to take herself and seems to be much happier with that independence instead of having to rely on an adult to take her.  However, it also means she can open the door that leads to the garage. We have a tradition in our house, whenever one of us comes home from work, as soon as the garage door is heard going up, both the girls (and usually the dogs) run to the internal door leading to the garage and knock on it until the homecoming parent knocks back.  Now that Miss M can open the doors she has started opening the door herself.  Until this week that has been ok, as we have implemented the rule that the door doesn't open until the car on the other side is heard to stop (i.e. engine is off).  And as both of us are aware that she can open the door we are vigilant about watching it as we drive into the garage (for safety).  This week that rule was forgotten about and Mumma had a nasty shock when the girls and the dogs ran into the garage before she had finished driving in.  Luckily we are hyper aware of this safety issue and she was watching the door and stopped - no one was injured, or honestly even close to being injured.  But the risk is there, and very scary.

As Miss M doesn't respond very well to being lectured, no matter how calm or nice or gentle you approach it, talking to her doesn't do much.  In the effort of trying to solidify the rule of not opening the garage door we combined it with art.  Brilliant I thought! Miss M and I googled what a stop sign looks like, then I drew one on some paper and Miss M had a great time painting it.  While she painted we talked casually about what the word "stop" means and what a great reminder it will be for all us to stop at the garage door until the car noises stop so that no one gets hurt by a moving car.  Fingers crossed it works!

Here's to kids giving us regular moments of pure terror, followed by moments of pure joy and love.  Crazy kids!

Parenting and patience....

Calm parenting.  Respectful parenting.  Gentle parenting.  These are terms that I'm sure we've all come across when we're fat and our bellies are kicking us and giving us heartburn before our first bub arrives.  They're all over Facebook.  There's Facebook groups in every town for people that aspire to these styles of parenting.  Parents everywhere are loving these terms and striving every day to be these calm, wonderful, peaceful parents.  Myself included.  But it is bloody hard work.

I know there are those wonderful, beautiful calm souls out there that are just naturally calm and don't usually yell or loose their temper.  They would totally rock this style of parenting (and I mentally curse them daily!).  That is not me.  I struggle with my temper daily.  I am getting better.  I am not naturally calm or patient or gentle.  I'm that person that shrugs and says "suck it up" when you're struggling, at least I used to when I was younger.  I've learnt a lot.  I've grown a lot.  And I've practiced patience a LOT.

I never thought patience was something that you practiced.  You practice the piano, or walking along fences, or kicking a football. But patience? Patience is something you are, well some people, not something you practice. Right?

Well since becoming a mum I have practiced patience every single moment of every day.  It's hard work.  It can be down right exhausting.  Now I have two beautiful, demanding, intelligent, exhausting girls I need to be patient.  Miss M (3.5yrs) is ASD and needs and deserves so much patience.  I sometimes feel that she deserves more patience than I have.  But that feeling alone makes me a better mum than I was the day before.  I am a work in progress.  Yes I can be incredibly hard on myself every time I loose my patience, but I am a work in progress.  Hopefully by the time the girls are in their 30s I'll be the parent I want to be!

Every time the girls fight over a dummy (oh how I detest dummies!), or a toy, or who's turn it is, or which Paw Patrol dvd they want to watch, or who hit who first... etc.  My instinct is to snatch the toy they're fighting over (or dummy or dvd) and put away.  Clearly if they can't share it they shouldn't have it.  But then I think, how is this teaching them to share?  How is this respectful of their rights to learn sharing and how to fight with a sibling? So I breathe.  Big deep breaths and talk to them about it.  I don't know if this is "right" (what does that even mean?!) but it feels better when I manage it calmly, and they seem to respond to it better than when I yell and snatch.

Every time they take their time going to sleep - and believe me they do, the other night it was 10pm - my instinct is to yell at them and shut they door and just let them sort it out.  And sometimes I do this.  But it never feels good.  I want to lie down with them, or read them a story, or sit quietly with them until they wind down from their busy day and fall asleep - especially Miss M, her amazing brain can take hours to wind down from something seemingly small.  I'm happy to clean the kitchen while they wind down and go to sleep.  Don't get me wrong.  My first instinct isn't to sit in there.  They seem to want me in there.  Pfft.  Ok,  they yell and scream when I'm not in there.  To me bedtime should be able to be a calm winding down.  Yelling and screaming shouldn't a part of bedtime.  This area of our lives is still a massive work in progress.  I can sit in there quietly, or I can read a chapter book to them  - for about an hour and then my patience is almost completely gone and I have to leave the room.  Yes sometimes I yell, lots.  Never feels good. Sometimes I manage to sit with them calmly until they go to sleep.  And that always feels lovely.  It feels like what I think bedtime should feel like.  Safe.  Calm.  Secure.  Warm.  Loving.  I can remember my mum rubbing my back for hours and hours.  When I manage to stay calm, it feels like that.

But I'm still practising and learning.  I am a work in progress.  I hope my kids will understand one day.  And I am forever and endlessly grateful to my wonderful wife for helping me learn and practice patience.

If you're a mum (or dad) like me, wanting to be calmer (or whatever) that you are, or feeling you "should" be something different than you are.  Just practice.  And be kind to yourself.  You are a work in progress, a wonderful, amazing, beautiful, inspiring work in progress.  💗

Two mums, stickers and being an adult.

While we've had several conversations with Miss M (3.5yrs) about the different people in different families, we haven't yet had a chat specifically about our family.  We have two girls and they have two mums, and no dad, and so far no brothers.  We weren't really expecting any conversations about this for a few years yet, but Miss M decided to get a head start.

Miss M "mummy do you have a dad?"
Me "Yes, grandpa is my dad"
Miss M "mummy do I have a dad?"
Me "No, you have two mums instead, me and mumma"
Miss M "but I want a dad!"

While I love ABC kids TV shows, they leave a lot to be desired when it comes to anything out of the general norm.  For example there aren't many shows with homeschooled kids, or two mums, or autism (although sesame street does now have an autistic character, my autistic 3.5yr old doesn't really like sesame st).

I explained that every family is different, and this family just happens to not have a dad in it.  Some families have two dads, some only have a mum or a dad, and some, like ours, have two mums. Just like brothers and sisters.  Not everyone has a brother or a sister.  I have a brother and a sister, but mumma doesn't have either.  Then I talked about some of her friends who did and didn't have brothers or sisters.  She seemed happy with this explanation, so far. But watch this space, I feel there will be more on this at a later date!



One of Miss M's issues (as identified by the OT and Speech path) is her, for lack of a better word, inability to imagine and she struggles with imaginative play.  When given a picture, of anything, she struggles to come up with a pretend story.  If you tell her a story, you first have to tell her that it is pretend.  So most of the toys we buy and a lot of the things we do are around encouraging her to be imaginative.  One thing I've found to be fantastic is some reusable stickers with scenes. It helps that Miss M LOVES stickers, and because of this we have stickers on most surfaces in our house!

These ones are "Melissa & Doug" stickers.  There's a few different scenes and heaps of reusable stickers for each one.  Miss M and Miss F (1.5years) both love them - and they're not too hard for Miss F to do on her own.  After we had made the pictures, Miss M and I sat and talked about what the animals were doing, who they might be friends with and how they might be feeling.  We made up games that they might enjoy to play with their friends, we talked about what they might eat, and where they might sleep.  It was interesting that, to Miss M, only animals that looked alike could be friends, and then the odd ones out were teamed up.  For example the clownfish couldn't be friends with the octopus, it could only be friends with the other clownfish.  The Octopus was friends with the diver, because there was only one of each, and they were both lonely.  

We also try to do lots of different arty things.  This is something I struggle with.  I find a lot of things I want to do with the girls, or think they would enjoy, they're just too young to do.  They both still struggle with scissors - Miss M can use the special OT ones we got, but she has a short attention span with them, I think her hands get sore.  We try painting - neither of the girls like to get paint on their hands, and are very quickly done with it.  However we found these awesome painting textas that they LOVE! 

There's no mess, it's not sticky, they're perfect.  So now the art on our walls is growing every day! And, as we are not allowed to swap the pieces of art around, more and more walls around our house are getting covered with art.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  💜

Miss M, thanks to her limited imagination, also has a wonderful view about what being a grown up means.  She asked me if one day she will be a grown up.  When I said that she would, she said oh good.  I asked her why -  

"Then I can do grown up things! Like drink coffee, and clean up broken glass, and rock babies to sleep".  

Apparently that's all we do! 😀💖